I know that my wife would love nothing more than to stay at home all day instead of working.
Seriously though, let's consider the question. Are we speaking about femininity from a social perspective, or from the viewpoint of fashion?
I hate that feminism seems to encourage women to be men in an effort to forge equality between the sexes. As you said, sameness isn't sexy.
At a seminar I attended, the lecturer mentioned that she and her husband had almost separated due to an argument regarding their finances. She owned her own business and earned an impressive wage, and I believe he earned a considerable amount also - so a lack of money wasn't the issue. The issue was that, with such a high earning wife, the husband felt emasculated, that he wasn't able to take care of his family. So, they finally agreed that his wage would be used to pay the mortgage and for food and other NECESSARY items, while her wage would be used for the extras, like movie tickets and travel.
This story stuck with me because of the modern way that the traditional division of labour could be interpreted. So my idea of femininity is being a creator and a nurturer. Creation doesn't have to be children, it can be art, music, or baking, to mention a few. Masculinity is about protection and strength. But most importantly, it's all about choice!
I love the idea of being doted on, as you say Deven, but I totally get that personally, I fit into your idea of someone who can't let go of constant control! And INTELLECTUALLY I know that there is a possibility of a balance between having an equal say in a relationship and in work and politics and other aspects of life, and "being a girl", as you say Dreia.
I've never been a tomboy as such, but I've never liked the idea of wearing makeup to work or dressing up except for on special occasions. But after more than a year working on my masters thesis in trackpants and t shirts and never dressing up, I can't wait for my time at the gym to pay off so I can fit my pretty skirts and dresses that were once only for special occasions, but which I now think I will wear more often! And I'm looking forward to getting a job so I can pay for dressmaking lessons to make my own (steam- and dieselpunk inspired) pretties!
my fiance and I kill each other at mortal combat I get insanely competitive at badminton, no one lets the other win, and I still am always treated like a girl. you can do both, I really belive that, because I've lived doing both since my teens
I think this is awesome, and hypothesise that the reason you can do both is that you compartmentalise. There are times when you are one of the boys, and times where you are definitely not. That's what I would love, but somehow it doesn't seem as clear cut for me as you have it - perhaps I just carry over that attitude of one of the boys when I'm trying to be one of the girls! Maybe I'm not the only one who does this....