Dieselpunks

Dieselpunk + Steampunk Culture

G'day everyone.

As I've now critiqued a few people's work it's only fair that I now put my own head on the chopping block and submit a piece myself :) It took a while but I finally worked out this whole google drive thing and I'm hoping that the link below will work. Fingers crossed.

Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you Tommy Thunder, Scourge of the Skypirates.

This piece is the first story in my pulp series that follows the adventures of Tommy in an alternate 1920s history where the United States has broken into half a dozen nations and zeppelin ships dominate continental shipping. And with the rise of the zeppelin has come the rise of those who would prey on zeppelins. And those who would in turn hunt the hunters.

As such this can be seen as the 'pilot episode' of the series. It's a little shorter at a bit under 15,000 words (as opposed to the 25,000 words I've used for the two following stories I've done so far) but as I'll probably release it as a free sampler to lure readers in the shorter length shouldn't be a problem.

But this is also my problem. As the first story it needs to showcase everything that the series can offer but over the following stories my writing has improved, making this story the weakest link. As such I'm not completely happy with it. Although it has all the components there and I've managed to edit it to a much better standard I'm not sure if it's good enough to showcase the series.

Which is where writerly feedback is helpful :)

I appreciate any constructive feedback that can be given, especially regarding the diesel-ly stuff.

Thanks.

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I'll definitely check it out. I requested access to the story via Google. I guess you'll get the request in your mail...

Apreciate it.

Be brutal. I'm tough enough to not take it personally and it's the only way that I'm going to get the story up to the standard that I want it to be at. The more honest the better :)

OK, I have access to it now. It will take a few days or so, but I'll read through the entire thing and get back with you when I finish.

Grant Gardiner said:

Apreciate it.

Be brutal. I'm tough enough to not take it personally and it's the only way that I'm going to get the story up to the standard that I want it to be at. The more honest the better :)

For people who couldn't access the file because of passwords or were put off by the whole googledoc permission thing I think I've been able to make the file accessible to the public without all that stuff. Try the following link:

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B2kbrjkcCzdvdzFybHBITF9VRG8

That should give you instant access to the file. Should. I'm still trying to figure this thing out :)

G'day Mr Thunder..you've arrived at the party rather late in the day..your best points have all been covered..zeppelin tales by Lester Dent & Michael Moorcock's..Warlord's of the Air..United States alt, history from the likes of PK Dick, Norman Spinrad & Mick Farren..but keep your nose to the wheel, good luck ~

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