Behold, the amazing hand of science! It's the size of a ship and the weight of a truck. It's the Graf Zeppelin, a rigid-hulled airship, and it's available for hire!
Yes, folks, Hugo Eckner's amazing creation, a silver bullet the size of an ocean liner, the LZ 127 is not just the pinacle of human aeronautics, but the pinacle of flight comfort and safety!
With a length of an astounding 776 feet and service for up to twenty passengers plus a full load of air mail, this amazing flying behemoth can travel from Friedrichshaven, Germany, to Lakehurst, New Jersey, in a mere 111 hours! Yes, Germany to America in less than a week! What a world we live in!
You too can buy a ticket, assuming you can afford it. And let me tell you this is no loud, bumpy trip in a trimotor but a trip as smooth as silk and as quiet as a mouse, a slow, leisurly trip at a level low enough to watch the beauty of the world roll serenely by beneath you. All with fresh-made cocktails from a full bar and fine dining with silver flatware, china plates, and linen tablecloths. They even have a musician on some flights! (note to self: look into booking for Zeppelin flights)
As the technology improves and the word gets around, I'm sure we'll soon see Zeppelin service that is affordable for all. The upcomming LZ 129 Hindenburg, for example, promises to be an incredible 800 feet long with over fifty - yes, fifty! - passengers. At this rate, some future super-Zeppelin may well have the capacity to haul hundreds!
They're celebrating the world around, amazed and enamored by this engineering marvel and charmed by the humble Mr. Eckner, the new face of Germany as a nation of progress and peace in the world.
The mere appearance of the graceful silver form, both angel and whale, is enough to leave even the most hardened New Yorker in quiet awe for a moment. The world comes to a halt as the graceful form floats above the land, be it the fields of Germany or the busy streets of Manhattan or the paradisical beaches of Rio de Janeiro.
And speaking of paradise, even the calypsos of the Caribbean are singing about her. With us today is the Trinidadian calypso sensation Attila the Hun (no relation) singing about when the Zeppelin came to little Trinidad.
If that doesn't capture perfectly the amazing sight of this incredible flying machine then I don't know what will.
And folks, Eckner isn't done yet! He has plans to fly the Zeppelin to the North Pole and even around the world! Stay tuned to the Cabaret, folks!
Until then, here's what they're serving on the Zeppelin today. The ground may be dry, but it's still wet up in the sky!
[Actually recipies from bartender Max Schultze of the LZ 129 Hindenburg (original recipies lost), but who's counting? Recipie recreations from summerfruitcup.wordpress.com]
LZ-129 Frosted Cocktail:
Stir well over ice, serve over ice in a frosted Old Fashioned glass.
Maybach 12 Cocktail:
Stir well over ice, strain into an Old Fashioned glass. [named for the Maybach 12 engines that powered the Hindenburg]